Thursday, August 27, 2015

Mailing address

Sean Schrag-Toso, Cuerpo de Paz 
Entrega General
San Felix, Chiriquí 0444
Republica De Panama 

Sean Schrag-Toso
Cuerpo de Paz, Edificio 240
3er Piso. Calle Victor Iglesias
Ciudad del Saber
Clayton Corrimiento de Ancón Panamá 
Republica de Panama 

The top address will go to the city by my site.

The bottom address will go to the Peace Corps office.

If there are fancy things in the package and it is not time sensitive, use the pc office address. Otherwise use the top one.

You can adorne the package with crosses to keep it from being investigated upon arrival to Panama, God checks those packages. 


Wednesday, August 26, 2015

The Beginning is Finally In-Site


I will try and make the following entry more of a chronological story and less of a cyclical time puzzle, like most of the last entries have been. Also, this is a long one – so brace yo-self!

The Beginning is Finally In-Site

The story of my site visit begins with meeting my community guide. Us EH aspirants were picked up at 5:00 am from Santa Rita. We slept through the traffic that is constant outside of Panama City and around 7:00 we arrived at the dorms in Ciudad del Saber. The Peace Corps requires each community to send a guide to the Peace Corps office to help with the integration process, as well as simply finding the community. The guides had arrived at Ciudad del Saber the day before and waited in a cluster outside of the cafeteria, anticipating our arrival. We walked over to the group, mixed together as we looked for the guide with a nametag matching our site name, and then like couples leaving a bar at the end of a night, we broke off with our community guides to eat breakfast.

My community guide’s name is Ricardo. He wore a well-loved button up shirt and shamelessly rocked a black backpack covered in pink roses and hearts and the word love in different sizes. We spent the day in Ciudad del Saber, the Peace Corps staff going over the differing expectations of volunteers and community members, reiterating security, and reminding the guides of the potential frustrations for a volunteer of an unpunctual community. After the sessions he headed off to see the Panama Canal.

The next morning we boarded a bus towards San Felix. In-between short conversation, I would space-out on the bus, watching the jarring and violent films that the buses consistently play. Ricardo would spend the whole ride looking out the window. We arrived in San Felix, I cut all my hair off at a little barberia, and we boarded a busito that dropped us off at a bridge that went over the Rio San Felix. From there we hiked uphill for two hours to Cerro Pita.

Cerro Pita

Hemos llegado” Ricardo said as we climbed the hill. A set of buildings emerged from behind the green trees on the side of the wide camino. A group of women in bright naguas de-husked rice in front of the three buildings by rhythmically pounding fleshly harvested rice in a large wooden bowl with a mallet. An old shirtless man emerged from the center hut, ducking under the pinca leaves that made the roof. He smiled a nearly toothless smile, and said something along the lines “your going to live here” in hard to understand Spanish, and gestured for me to sit down on a low bench. They brought me chicheme - a mix of corn, water and sugar and Ricardo sat down next to me. Children emerged from the houses, and the adults came over and shook my hand, speaking to each other in quick Ngäbere. I knew they were talking about me, as I caught a few of the Spanish words they would use when there was not a word for it in their indigenous language, such as Gringo. The brought me a heaping bowl of rice, which I ate while I listened to the guttural sounds that composed their conversation. At one point, Ricardo looked at me and in Spanish said, “we are going to give you your name now”. I agreed, and Tikün was officially birthed into the community where he will live for the next two years.

The rest of that first day passed quickly. I don’t quite remember how it went. Tikün probably set his little room up, bathed in the creek, hung out with the kids and went to bed early after an exhausting day of travel. Most of the following week would consist of pasearing and getting to know the community one house at a time. At the beginning of each day Tikün would walk to the creek and wash his clothes from the previous day. At night Tikün would return to the creek to bathe. Kids would accompany him to the creek, talk with him while they washed their respective clothes, and stand guard on the trail while the other bathed. He would help haul water from a nearby spring source in 5-gallon containers and would eat lots of corn, rice, and a variety of different parts of the chicken. Outside of this routine, there were days and events that hold significant weight in my memory.

Meeting and Walk in the Woods

My second full day began early. I awoke, ate a breakfast of bollo (ground corn, wrapped in banana leaf) and prepared for the small presentation I was going to give to the community later that morning. Folks walked past the house as they headed to the meeting and I joined them for the walk. About 50 people showed up to the meeting: women in bright colored naguas, old men with short-wave radios hung from their shoulder, and kids that were too young for school or had dropped out. Everyone sat in a circle under a zinc roof. “Coffee” was made for all, and Ricardo started the meeting with a moment of silence. Myself, being the owner of a watch, kept time. The meeting continued in Ngäbere. I assume they talked about water, me, and how Ricardo’s experience in Ciudad del Saber had been. Ricardo then presented me their water committee. The committee stood in a U around me, Ricardo naming them one by one and their position. After, I was then given an opportunity to speak, where I did my best to explain my position, my goals, my expectations, my dreams, and the reality that I was going to live with them for two years.  I asked if there were questions and one young lady spoke, not in question form but rather expressing gratitude and reiterating the many years they had waited for a volunteer. The meeting ended and Ricardo motioned for me to sit in the hammock in the middle of the circle, to which I foolishly agreed. I proceeded to awkwardly swing in the middle of the circle as they spoke in ngäbere and stared at me. I looked around and fidgeted in the hammock, until I couldn’t bare it anymore, and got up and stood in the circle. Ricardo took the hammock, and I relaxed trying to take notes on peoples names.  After a while, Ricardo started singling people out and asking them “que vas a poner” – (what are you going to put). I asked the fellow next to me what this was about, and he responded in thick campo Spanish, which I did not understand, and I left it at that. After about an hour I left with Ricardo and headed home. I had a bowl of rice, noticed some of my host brothers and sisters and mom leaving the house, and I asked them what they were doing. They said they were going to the fields, and I asked if I could join. They agreed and we headed towards the green mountainside.

With dogs by our side and walking at a fast pace, we navigated the trail through the tall monte. I was on the heals of barefoot Jessica, her blue nagua vibrant against the green walls. We ducked under barbwire fences, and danced down steep hillside. We arrived at a small creek, where they picked an unknown fruit off the ground, washed it in the creek and gave it to me to eat. The mother left with her older daughter to harvest rice and Onodio (10 years old) and Jessica (7 years old) mentioned for me to follow them. Our pace picked up, and I was jogging to keep up with the barefoot kids cruising though the woods. My rubber boots made me feel clumsy, but I kept up, taking a bite of the strange fruit whenever I had a chance. The forest broke and we were now flying through tall rice stalks, which parted for the nimble kids and clumsy gringo. The dogs would emerge from the rice, brush past my leg, and then disappear as fast as they had emerged. Soon we were back in the woods, balancing down another steep hill. We found ourselves at a beautiful flowing creek, which we passed through, climbed a steep hill and ended up at the doorsteps of a house, overlooking the verdant valley. They informed me no one was home, so we left, retracing our steps to the creek. At this point my boots were filled with sweat and the river looked cool and refreshing. The kids asked me if I would wait for them while they bathed. I agreed, and Jessica jumped in the water in her nagua while Onodio took the more patient route and bathed in his underwear. I decided to join them and took a moment to appreciate the beautiful valley, swimming around in the creek, and being with my two younger host siblings.

We made our way back to the corn and rice fields. I harvest rice and corn with the mom and kids for the rest of the afternoon. We would share the small sweet corn heads, eating them on the spot. We returned home, and I went to play soccer with the boys of the town. The field was on the ridge of a hill, meaning that if the ball wasn’t perfectly between the two goals, it was rolling down a hillside. Nevertheless, we played for many hours. I returned home, bathed, ate dinner, drank a heaping cup of sweet coffee, and went to sleep amazed by the happenings of the day.

To the Source

The following day Ricardo and I had planned to go see the spring source for the towns desired aqueduct system. He had explained to me that spring sources were hard to get the property rights to, and the community had worked hard for this source, but it was far and thus an intimidating project. I left the house with my chakara (traditional Ngäbe hand-woven satchel) with my notebook, water bottle and machete ready for the day. I was served two breakfasts that morning, at different houses, and while I ate the second breakfast people form the community began to gather. I realized it wasn’t going to be just Ricardo and me going to see the spring, but rather a large group from the community would accompany us. So, with about 20 people: women, children and men we hacked our way through an overgrow trail into the hills. I was second in line, and I tried to make my machete stokes seem well practiced and effective, which was occasionally foiled by my lack of success in cutting the intended vine or weed. The women and children brought up the rear, and eventually we arrived at a home in the hills. The women pulled bags of rice, seasoning and coffee out of their chakaras, and left it at the house (I understood the ”Que vas a poner” question now). We continued up another hill, arrived at another house, and as the Ngäbe resident spoke with the community members I noted her filed teeth, matching the pattern of triangles on her nagua. The spring source was in a small valley next to this house, which we quickly removed the overgrowth from, revealing a very prolific spring source. I took a quick measure of the flow rate and then members of the community filled up their cups which they had brought and drank the fresh water. We followed the creek down the hillside, and then veered off and carved a new trail through the monte to the house we had dropped the food off at. It rained lightly, and old women squatted next to a huge cauldron of rice, their strong large bare-feet planted firmly against the ground. They started a fire, which engulfed the cauldron in smoke, and made the scene look mystic in front of a beautiful valley vista. They laughed and drank coffee, and I chatted with whomever I was sitting next to. We descended from the mountain, and Ricardo pointed out other aspects of the aqueduct, such as where they thought the storage tank would go and what houses had to be connected. We arrived back in Cerro Pita and the group dispersed. That evening I made my way to over to Ricardo’s house.

I descended upon his house, which is down in the valley, Ricardo’s cousin Filipe guiding me along the trails. Eventually the forest parted and gave way to a clearing. It was the simplest house I had seen in this sea of simple houses. It is a wall-less structure, its skeleton covered in all of his possessions, and a small cooking area sat in the back. His wife stood by a fire boiling some bananas and his daughter stood by his side as he relaxed a hammock. I pull up a chair next to them, meeting his daughter for the first time. We chatted about the day and plans to come. He asked me about a time frame, funds, and how I felt about the community. I explained the necessity of patience, the difficulty of acquiring funds, and my general feeling of novelty and amazement, which was keeping other emotions at bay. A few other men from the community came walking down the path and sat with us in a small circle. We talked more about the project and the day, and then they talked a bit in Ngäbere. It was dusk, and as I ate boiled bananas out of a large banana leaf, I admired the carved faces of the men who have requested my assistance: their age, strength, and general life experience made me feel honored and humbled.

The rest of the week passed quickly. I slowly discovered more about the community, had a scare the community was composed of the Ngäbere religion Mama Tata, which rejects all things outside of Ngäbere culture. I witnessed a Biblia, which consisted of members from Cerro Pita and surrounding communities converging at my host family’s house and singing bible songs in Ngäbere all night while they drank cacao. I heard a lot about the lack of rain, and had many instances where I thought that if I could capture the image that my eyes were soaking in, it would be publishable in National Geographic. I left Cerro Pita in the morning on the same day I had arrived a week prior. My host family was gathered outside of the house as they had when I arrived, but now acquainted with the unusual gringo, they were waving good-bye.

I have months of integration ahead of me, learning to live in a community made of old men, distant women and lots of children but also them learning to live with me. It looks like my role in the community will principally be the engineer of their aqueduct system, but hopefully my place will be a friend and unusually tall and white part of their family.


I think of Onodio, my host brother, saying to me “Usted en un avion” and making the sounds of an airplane while one hand takes off from the other. It is true that the week was the beginning of a relationship that realistically will end in the exact way that Onodio described. Tikün will be transient in their lives but ideally he will be remembered as the bringer of water and a reminder that Cerro Pita is not a forgotten community in this globalized world; as for me they are a reminder of what has been forgotten.




Monday, August 17, 2015

An Enlightening July


August 1, 2015
An Enlightening July

A blue moon rose over Santa Rita last night. Its light bounced off the mango trees and illuminated the dancing grass in Mabel’s front yard. Her friends and family members gathered on the lawn while they ate slices of cake covered in any one of the many letters that make up feliz cumpleanos Mabel, 53!. They were celebrating the life of a wonderful woman in their community, and the many cycles of the moon that she had lived through. The moon lit up their faces, faces of joy and celebration of the past, the second full moon of a unusually enlightening July.  

About three weeks have passed since Aaron and I spent that long night on the lancha. I spent two of those weeks in Santa Rita, sandwiched around a week spent in Bocas Del Toro where I lived with a host family and learned about campo construction techniques. The weeks in Santa Rita were relatively predictable and the monotony and restlessness engendered some good conversation and reflection. The week in Bocas left me with images and experiences far removed from my culture. The month ended with site announcement, and as I write this, the folder with my site name, location and description sits on the same table.

In Santa Rita, there is routine. It is predictable and practical with creativity as the relief from the structure. My four classmates and I did not have Spanish class one day, but were assigned to write an essay about our time in Bocas Del Toro. We wrote a song instead. We perform many skits during tech class, some funny and worth the time, and others an attempt to animate an exhausted class. Outside of class we debate the Peace Corps approach to development, some with resistance and others with affirmation.  There are many strong minds in the group, and some would like to see a greater focus and training on engendering critical thinking skills within our communities.  Given the engineering focus of our sector, unfortunately the training has been rather dry, and has left those with humanities backgrounds thirsty for “the why” behind what we are doing, instead of simply “the how”.  Otherwise, Santa Rita is a place to rest between very stimulating weeks in different parts of the country.

Cebrada Pastor

Tech Week is the 5th week of training, and an opportunity for us aspirantes to live with host families at a current volunteers site. Our cohort went to a community called Cebrada Pastor in the Bocas Del Toro province, which had a principally Ngäbe population. The Ngäbe people are Panama’s largest indigenous group, and have a semi-autonomous region known as the Comarca Ngäbe-Büggle, however many ngäbes live outside of this region in the Bocas Del Toro province. Durring Tech Week I stayed with a ngäbe family with the last name of Taylor (an immediate realization of the areas history of colonization). The home consisted of six people and was easily accessible from the road. It was a three-story house, made of wood and nails, and only half of the supports had concrete foundation. Senor Taylor worked as a spear fisherman, and would explain he did not mind his poor life because he got to do what he loved everyday. He told me of his attempts at making a larger wage in cities like Panama and David, but the hours were so long and wages so bad that being a poor fisherman was a better life. My mother would explain Ngäbere words to me, and the kids would stare at me until I smiled at them or held their gaze until they couldn’t hold back the laughter.

The week was a good window for what was to come, and yet another step closer to the reality of the coming two years. I began to eat more simply, rice with the occasional fish, or a bowl of bananas was the norm. I got sick, and had to use a pit latrine for more that it was intended for. . We had electricity, but a diesel generator had to run, and the exhaust would fill the second story as we watched films on a small tv screen. We spent the days in the hills, working on building ferro-cement tanks, repairing the aqueduct’s distribution line and giving charlas (presentations) at the town’s elementary school. I left feeling like I had another family away from home in the Bocas del Toro province of Panama.

At the end of the week, I boarded a bus with all the other EH aspirantes and we soon found ourselves on Las Lahas beach in the Chiriqui province with the SAS aspriatnes. We spent the following 24 hours distressing in a rather spring break fashion.

 Another week passed in Santa Rita, and the long awaited day of site placement finally arrived. The announcement process was drawn out with each site having to be explained, its location expanded upon, and then with a suspenseful pause, the volunteer that was going there would be announced.


I will be living in a site called Cerro Pita in Distrito Morono of the Comarca Ngäbe-Bügle. It is an indigenous ngäbe site, which requires an hour and a half hike into the hills from the bus stop. I will not have electricity, or running water, and food will be what is harvested from the fields. Otherwise, in classic Peace Corps fashion, I do not know much else. I head out for site visit on Monday. While there certainly won’t be a personalized cake on someone’s birthday, the same moon will rise over the hills in Cerro Pita, and the grass will dance in the same fashion in the tropical breeze as it does in the now luxurious Santa Rita












.

Friday, July 31, 2015

Visit to the Darien


 Visit to the Darien
July 21, 2015

Small waves lap the hull of the lancha and make a rhythmic popping sound. In a futile attempt to become comfortable, I am wrapped around a gas tank, one of about two-dozen or so on the small fishing boat. I use my lifejacket to blanket me from the wind while I listen to my friend, Aaron, breathing the breath of the blissfully unconscious. The captain has retired behind the mound of gas tanks and uses his umbrella to shield him from the wind. The popping sound and unfortunate shape of my blanket keep me awake and cold so I admire the perfect line of the Pacific Ocean meeting the starlit sky on the horizon. I stand up and take a cautiously balanced pee off the side of the rocking lancha, imagining how ridiculous it would be to fall of the side of the boat, headfirst into the sea. I would create an illumined splash in my now salty and diluted pee, the bio-luminescent bacteria welcoming me into the dark ocean with a burst dull green light. The captain would explode out from behind his umbrella and yell at me in fast and indecipherable Spanish to get my ass back onto the lancha as he would crawl over the mound of gas tanks until he reached the front of the boat and would pull me back onboard. Instead, I keep my balance, zip up, and resume my normal position wrapped around a gas tank in the bow of a fiberglass fishing boat, in the middle of the night, with an afro-Latino captain and cargo of empty gas tanks and two gringos; off the coast of a nearly deserted jungle in Panama’s notorious Darien region. Silent lightning and glowing splashes of jumping fish periodically ignite the darkness and I try and sleep, glad to not have pushed the absurdity of my circumstance overboard.  



My friend and fellow aspirante (PCV in training) Aaron and I were making our way back from our volunteer visits. We had both gone to remote sites, which required hours of bus and boat travel to access.  The site I visited, which was the portal to the site Aaron visited, is called Taimati. It is beachfront property 12 hours out of each day. During high tide, the Pacific Ocean breaks gently upon the towns sandy shore. However, during low tide, the ocean drops to reveal kilometers of mud between Taimati’s beach and the lower level of the ocean. You therefore cannot arrive or depart at low tide, unless you want to hike through knee-deep mud to or from the town. Given the tides on the night we departed and irregularity of the boat schedule, we had been forced to board a boat in the middle of the night at high tide, put an anchor in past the low tide mud fields, and wait until the sun rose. It was my first night spent on the ocean, and hopefully my least comfortable night ever.

Departure aside, the previous week had been memorable and informative. I visited a current volunteer named Austin Dill in Panama’s Darien province. The Darien is the Wild West of Panama with low population density, vast regions of untapped wilderness and the origin of the fables of drug cartels that pass through and the horrors the leave in their wake. In general, towns are small and Taimati is composed of a few hundred people. It is a sleepy fishing town organized around a grid of concrete sidewalks. There are no cars and the generator for the town doesn’t function so the power lines are a reminder of a brighter past. Running water is spotty at best. The people fish for their food and gather shellfish and crabs that they share with the community.

I spent the days pasearing with Austin, getting to know his neighbors and asking him endless questions about the life of a volunteer and his site. He told me stories, made me food by headlamp or sunlight, served me filtered my water, and tried to give me an honest taste of what it is like to be a PCV. We received gifts of food as we paseared, went for walks, sat around the house, looked at some of the initiatives he was hoping to implement in the community, and played soccer with the kids. The people hauled boat motors to and from their boats, filled buckets full with seafood, and they would extend a long “Buueeeennnaas” to us from their sun-baked lips as we wondered through the town. The days passed quickly, with rain in the afternoon and hot sun during the day with a western horizon of either mud or ocean. This was the life in Taimati and the moons position in the sky determined how the day would be spent just as much as the sun.

We also visited another volunteer named Matteo at an indigenous Woonan site, who Aaron was staying with. Austin and I walked 30 minutes through the jungle to the community of Semico. Matt’s house was surrounded by the wall-less and thatched roof structures that composed the town. The people were known for being funny and happy. They called Matt “white penis” in Woonan, and would warn him of the potentially uplifting risks of eating too much shellfish. A few kids from the town accompanied us on a tour of the town’s aqueduct, and one of them shot an iguana down on the way. We bathed in the river after the tour with what seemed like a disproportional amount of 3-7 year olds for the size of the town. Matteo told us of his hopes to bury the exposed aqueduct system, but also the difficulty in motivating his community. A few members of his community washed their cloths in the calm river in the background with a basket of recently picked fruit on the shore and joked with each other in a fast mix of Spanish and Woonan. I understood their lack of motivation and his dilemma.

The week was full of many other small stories and experiences which now compose my impression of a PCV’s life in Panama. The culture seems authentic and thus isolating for a foreigner. Free time seems to be a common theme as one must wait on unpredictable transportation or for the community to mobilize. Building capacity in one’s community seems to be just as important as implementing tangible projects. Across the board there seems to be poignant highs and lows. However, at the end of the day it appears that a PCV can rest feeling proud of the small victories of the day as they sleep under a thatched roof or sheets of zinc; or occasionally, a blanket of bright stars with silent lightning on the horizon.















Sunday, July 5, 2015

They Too Will Pasear


Current Books:
Spell of the Sensuous 
Spanish Notes  

Current Music: 
The Regeton from the neighbors yard

They Too Will Pasear 
July 5, 2015

Pasear is a Spanish verb which roughly means to go visit, but that has a special meaning in Panama. My observed understanding of the word is that it is the act of walking from house to house within the community one lives and entering said houses with a confident “Buenas!” and then passing the following minutes/hours with the members of that house before moving to the next neighbor or returning home. It is how the members of the small pueblo of Santa Rita, where I currently live, pass their free time and it will be the encouraged method of integration over the next two years.

Before arriving in Santa Rita and about three weeks ago, 47 people from various regions of the United States and Puerto Rico converged at a Holiday Inn in downtown Washington D.C. for what the Peace Corps calls Staging. Staging, in essence, is a chance for PCVs to meet their fellow volunteers, learn a bit more about the Peace Corps, and then have a chance to hightail it home to hot showers, the freedom to drive, and endless access of peanut butter.  All 47 of us, 24 environmental health volunteers and 23 sustainable agricultural systems volunteers chose to stick with it and we began the 2.25 year process of getting to know each other. After staging, I paid my respects to the monuments in Washington DC and went to sleep for a few hours before waking up in the early morning to fly to Panama.  

We arrived in Panama and spent the following 4 days in the ex U.S. military base – converted to university/public-resource-center, called Ciudad de Saber (City of Knowledge). The Panama Peace Corps office is located in this city, as well as the dorms where we slept. We were further immunized against and educated on the many snakes, diseases, insects, snakes, environments, allergic reactions, snakes, fungi, viruses, parasites and did I mention snakes that could shorten our period of service, and life in general. They introduced us to current volunteers who told us of the legends and lessons that they had obtained over the last year. We played soccer, slept, ate, and began to understand Panama together and became a cohesive unit of 47, until when two weeks ago when they tore us apart and separated us by our volunteer title into two separate training communities. I went with the Environmental Health volunteers to the small town of Santa Rita.

I live with a wonderful lady named Mabel and her 25 year old son in Santa Rita. Currently, I sit on a red and gold couch with matching curtains and pillows. Plantains, rice and beans rest on the kitchen counter and are mindfully covered to keep the flies from wiping their dirty paws on our dinner. I can hear my host mom, Mabel, speaking with her brother outside in fast Panamanian Spanish (he is pasearing).  My hair is wet from swimming in the river with some other volunteers and kids from the town. In my house I have a fan and consistent running water, both unusual of luxuries for a PCV in Santa Rita. I spend the majority of my days taking Spanish class in the mornings and attending technical training in the afternoons; separated by lunch and a 30-minute nap in a hammock. I usually swim in the river in the evening, watch soccer at night, and fuel my days with an endless supply of mangoes, maracuya and three meals a day cooked by Mabel.

The Peace Corps does not extract you from comfort and drop you into poverty with no transition. It prepares you, mindfully, in a method that is well engineered, generously oiled, and meticulously maintained. They chip away at your luxuries overtime. You go from hot showers, to cold showers, to no showers. You build friendships in Staging and in Ciudad de Saber, which they quickly burn access to. They leave you with 24 English-speaking friends, a Latin pueblo to pasear through, a fan, and occasional running water as your luxuries. It is a step towards the realities of the next two years, but currently I feel well adjusted, comfortable and content. I appreciate the red couches with matching drapes, and enjoy living with my Panamanian mom and having my 24 new friends close by, because I know that they too will soon pass(ear).







Friday, June 12, 2015

On the Brink of Panamonium

Current Music: 
Flume
Fantastic Negrito
TV on the Radio 
Bibio
Nickel Creek 

Current Books: 

Spell of the Sensuous 
The Devil's Highway 


On the Brink of Panamonium
June 13, 2015

7 Months Ago

She leaned against the headboard of the bed, her body in a position of blissful relaxation. In her hand was a mug filled with wine from The Chopa Valley in Chile. Art was on her mind, or so I imagined. We had spent the day walking around Valparaiso, Chile where contracted street art had become the city's distinguishing tourist attraction, and we were tourists -- at least for a few more hours. It was the last night of weeks of backpacking, hitchhiking, and eating in the Patagonia region of Chile and Argentina, and we had taken the night to enjoy the moment, each-others company, and one last meal. She sipped her wine, leaving an obvious stain above her lip, and looked at the mural by the side of the bed. The mural was a map of North and South America and it was unfinished. The outline of each country had been completed in pencil but only a few of the countries had actually been filled in with color. 


"I guess you get what you pay for" she said, alluding to the unfinished piece of art in our private room. 


Admittedly, our room was one "$" in Lonely Planet, but it had privacy, a comfy bed, and WiFi...  and because there was WiFi, our privacy was interrupted with a surge of excitement and confusion. "Congratulations on your acceptance to the Pea..." lit up the top of my phone's screen. I opened the email, which explained my acceptance as an Environmental Health volunteer in the Peace Corps in Panama and the seven days I had to respond, either accepting or denying a 27-month period of service. I looked back at the bed. She sat there, mug in hand, and goofy red wine stain above a familiar full smile, contrasting her blue-green eyes. I could hardly make out the colorless, unfilled outline of Panama on the mural.



Present*

I am back in Tucson, AZ with my family and old friends and spend my days reading about the Peace Corps and gathering supplies for an encroaching departure. 


This is what I know: 


I will be serving as an Environmental Health Volunteer in Panama. My goals as a volunteer are to promote behaviors and practices of rural community members to improve their access and use of potable water systems as well as improve access and use of sanitation systems.


These goals will be actively worked towards after spending 10 weeks in a training site a few hours outside of Panama City, where I will be living with a host family and attending language, cultural, safety, and technical trainings. During these ten weeks I will be assigned my site, which is the location I will spend the next two years. The exact location of this site is unknown and is chosen by the Peace Corps staff. 


Otherwise, the next two years are pretty unknown. I have left familiar smiles behind, good wine and the stain it leaves above lips, the colorful world of friends with long histories, and easy access to family. It is not without purpose and thought that I board a plane to Panama. My hope is that at the end of my service, my map of the Americas will be more than an outline of the countries that make up these two conjoined continents but rather it will be filled in with greater understanding of it's many cultures, languages, people, and their needs and dreams - learned from the country that binds North and South together. 



*The following paragraph is a short update on the 7 months between Chile and now leaving for Panama.

I have spent the last few months living what was once a dream for my brother/friend Kemper and me in San Diego. We fulfilled our surfing fantasies; two Tucsonans out in the lineup, occasionally riding a wave with enough style to disguise our landlocked roots. Kemper and I lived with a fellow from Austin named Ferris, who taught us the ways of cleanliness, generosity, and turning off the stovetop. Will and other friends from USD lived close-by. My girlfriend Mina was within biking distance. I worked as a math tutor, did maintenance on the walls the climbing gym, and was a sales specialist and bike builder at REI. We went backpacking in the Sierras, climbed in Joshua Tree many times, passed a few weekends with childhood friends up in L.A. and spent countless hours in the ocean. It was a carefree few months, fueled by good friends, recreating, and many dinner parties. 


END


I wrote the following journal entry last year and decided to include in this post as it informs my decision to apply for and accept a 27-month term in the Peace Coprs. Feel free to read it, however it is not directly relevant to the specifics of my Peace Corps service. 


 Una Amistad con Soledad
September 14, 2014

I sit on the second story of a bus headed for Trujillo, Peru. Various barrios of Lima pass by, shacks of recycled metal, concrete, plastic and other misfit building materials make a collage on the hill, giving the horizon a little color against the gray sky. My bus seat is more of a throne than a bus seat. It reclines to 180 degrees, with a pillow and blanket to accompany it. A tablet is attached to the seat in-front of me for internet access, movies, books, distraction. I flip through my options on the tablet, and choose to watch La Amistad. The tribulations of a group of Africans taken from their villages now accompany the barrios that continue for miles outside of the center of the center of the city.

The leader of the group of slaves in La Amistad was deemed ¨chief¨ by defeating a lion that approached the village at night. The story is legendary among the tribesmen, as they had awoken to find the lion dead on the ground. The reality is the ¨chief¨ had blindly thrown a rock in the dark as the lion had approached his camp, hitting the beast. ¨Had I missed, I wouldn't be here telling you this story. I am not a big man, just a lucky one¨ He says, and he adopts his unearned authority, and lives with its responsibility.

The barrios are gone now, replaced by farms and hunched over workers in the field. I recline my seat, Trujillo and km long waves are in my future, I must rest. I never had to throw a rock, I don't live with more integrity than those who work 12 hour days for a few dollars, but in this world I was born into I have privileges unfairly awarded to me and am left to reconcile that fact and adopt the responsibility I have been given.

I arrive in Trujillo late, take a taxi to Huanchaco where I find my hostel. It is midnight, and the hostel is dead. I am well rested from my 10 hours spent on a seat/bed, so I take a walk around the small beach town. There are still kids playing soccer in a well-lit basketball court. Carts full of soda and snacks have napping vendors behind them. I note that they value a few coins over an uninterrupted night of sleep. Numerous couples walk along the beach with me, which reminds of my own solitude. 

I grew up surrounded by people. While in University, I spent two years with a private room and paired solitude with loneliness. I would reach out at any given moment when I was alone in my room. I would study, distract myself, get on Facebook or Instagram. My insecurity with solitude would be treated, not defeated. In a crowded life, I never accepted the reality of singularity.

I continue down the beach. The town is alive with people partying, sharing experiences, being together. I could join, but now is not the time.

Solitude is one of many lions in my life. I want to affirm, at least within myself, that I have the courage to face that which is most strange and intimidating, and that this life is not merely luck, but more importantly an opportunity. 

I return to the hostel to sleep. It is late and I fall asleep alone. In many ways, I have lived the life of the chief in Amistad, of endowed privilege, as many of my friends and family members. The only way for me to reconcile that fact is to live as if I was deserving of it, not running from the Lions but standing off with them like a chief would, and perhaps all the lions of our lives are the greatest teachers only waiting to see us beautiful and brave.